When You’re Hot, Cold, and Crying – and He’s Still Asking What’s for Dinner…

A Survival Guide for Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Understand Menopause (Yet)

👋 Welcome to the emotional escape room that is midlife partnership.

You’re sweating through bedsheets like a cursed popsicle, crying because you can’t find your favorite mug (that you’re literally holding), and he has the audacity to say,
“Are you mad at me or just tired?”

Sir. That’s a trap. And you just stepped in it.

Menopause is already a masterclass in internal chaos. Add in a partner who thinks “perimenopause” is a wine varietal, and you’ve got yourself a full-blown rom-com with no laugh track.

But before we toss the remote and the man, let’s try a few real-life strategies. With sarcasm. And snacks.

1. 🎓 Step One: Educate Without Issuing a Degree

There are two kinds of people in the world:

• Those who ask questions
• And those who Google “Why is my wife emotionally short-circuiting near salad?”

If your partner isn’t asking the right things, it might be because they don’t know how to. So meet them halfway – armed with funny TikToks, Elistocrat articles, or a meme that says, “If you touch the thermostat again, I will file for divorce on Etsy.”

In Real Life:
You forward him a reel about hot flashes.
He replies, “Do you really feel that hot?”
You look at him. Through him. Into the abyss.
Then say, “Yes, but also spiritually scorched.”

What This Actually Does:
It gets you both talking without needing a PowerPoint.
Plus, humor lowers the defenses. And raises awareness. And maybe your odds of surviving shared holidays.

2. 🗣️ Step Two: Speak Human, Not Hormone

Don’t wait for the next meltdown to explain yourself. (Unless you like the drama. In which case, carry on, goddess.)

Instead, set a baseline:

“I’m going through something that changes daily. It’s physical, emotional, and unpredictable. Sometimes I’ll need space. Sometimes I’ll need a hug. Sometimes I’ll want to set everything on fire. Please ask which before deciding.”

In Real Life:
You: “Just a heads-up – if I suddenly start crying during dinner, it’s not you. It’s the internal chaos orchestra.”
Him: “Should I say something or stay quiet?”
You: “Say something supportive. If I flinch, retreat slowly and bring snacks.”

Why This Works:
You’re giving them a cheat sheet without calling it that. It’s emotional CliffsNotes with a side of empathy. Which, let’s face it, most people desperately need in relationships.

3. 🧊 Step Three: Make Support Tangible

Telling your partner “I need support” is like handing them a blank IKEA manual and walking away.
Give them instructions:

• “When I say I’m overheating, grab the fan and stop talking.”
• “When I’m spiraling, just nod and ask if I’ve eaten.”
• “If I look sad near my closet, say ‘That looks great’ no matter what I’m holding.”

In Real Life:
You: “Hey, can you turn down the thermostat?”
Partner: “You’re cold though.”
You: “Exactly. Now I’m furious and freezing. Adjust accordingly.”

Why This Works:
Because specificity beats silence. Every. Time.

4. 🧠 Step Four: You’re Not Their Teacher – But Therapy Helps

Let’s be honest: sometimes you need a referee. Not because you’re broken, but because your hormones have unionized and are negotiating aggressively.

Invite them to a doctor’s visit. Bring them to couples therapy. Or watch a TED talk together called “Why My Wife Is Crying in the Bathroom While Simultaneously Ordering Throw Pillows.”

In Real Life:
You: “I’d like us to talk to someone. Not because we’re failing – because I’m changing and I need you to witness it without getting defensive.”
Them: “I thought we were doing okay?”
You: “We are. And I’d like us to stay that way before my next mood swing knocks over the emotional furniture.”

Bonus Win:
Hearing it from a third party lets you nod quietly like, “See? I’m not just dramatic. I’m hormonal with sources.”

5. 😵‍💫 Step Five: Lower the Bar (and Raise the Humor)

Your partner might never fully get it. But they can still be kind, curious, and not completely annoying.

If they mess up? Call it out, laugh about it, and try again.

In Real Life:
Them: “I Googled ‘how to be supportive during menopause.’”
You: “Aww! And what did you learn?”
Them: “That you need hugs and dark chocolate.”
You: “Wrong. I need space, magnesium, and a new husband. But good try.”

Why This Works:
Because humor makes room for grace. And grace keeps you from hitting someone with a frozen bag of peas.

💡 Elistocrat Take: You’re Not Too Much – You’re Just in Transition

If your partner doesn’t understand, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. It might just mean they haven’t been invited to the chaos map. Yet.

Bring them in. A little. Carefully. With sarcasm and side-eye.

And if they still can’t step up?
Well, menopause reveals more than it destroys. And you, my friend, are not required to carry both the symptom and the cluelessness.