Top 15 Menopause Lies I Believed (And One That’s Actually True)
You enter perimenopause thinking, How bad could it be?
Then your left eyebrow disappears, you burst into tears over a sandwich, and suddenly you’re Googling “Can you get arrested for yelling at your thermostat?”
We’ve been fed some lies. Sweet, well-meaning, unhinged lies. And here they are – ranked, roasted, and reality-checked.
🧂 Lie #1: “You’ll just breeze through it in six months.”
Oh honey. That’s not a breeze. That’s a hot, sweaty hurricane that lasts anywhere from 2 to 12 years and takes your memory, sleep, and will to fold laundry with it.
😴 Lie #2: “You’ll finally get good sleep!”
Correct – you’ll sleep great… between 2:46 AM and 3:07 AM, when you’re not up rage-Googling supplements or soaking through your sheets.
😇 Lie #3: “It’s a natural transition – it won’t feel that bad.”
And so is lava, Karen. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it won’t wreck your insides and take out your self-esteem on the way down.
💁 Lie #4: “It’s just a few mood swings.”
Define few. If by “few” you mean switching between laughter, sobbing, and plotting someone’s demise in under 10 minutes… yes. A few.
🔮 Lie #5: “Once you hit menopause, everything settles down.”
…Right after your metabolism flatlines, your joints start snapping like popcorn, and your patience is officially declared missing.
💦 Lie #6: “Hot flashes are just feeling a little warm.”
Hot flashes are what happen when your internal thermostat breaks, catches fire, and then accuses you of overreacting.
🍷 Lie #7: “A glass of wine will help.”
Will it though? Or will it trigger a hot flash, bloat your stomach, and convince you to text your ex while eating hummus with a fork? (Just asking.)
🧠 Lie #8: “Brain fog isn’t real.”
Tell that to the 3 sticky notes, 2 reminders, and 1 forgotten pot of boiling eggs I left on the stove while trying to remember what I was doing.
🍑 Lie #9: “Weight gain is avoidable if you just try harder.”
Try what? Running from your hormones? Counting macros while crying into your leggings? Let’s be clear – this is a hormonal hostage situation.
💄 Lie #10: “You’ll be too old to care what anyone thinks.”
False. I still care – I’m just too tired to fake it.
💔 Lie #11: “It’s all downhill from 50.”
Nope. It’s more like a scenic rollercoaster with unexpected drops, mood swings, and souvenir rage-texts. But downhill? Nah. We’re just picking up speed.
🧽 Lie #12: “Just stay positive!”
Positive I need a nap? Positive I’m sweating through my third shirt? Yes. I am very positive.
😤 Lie #13: “It’s hopeless.”
This one gets a special place: because it’s a lie AND it’s rude.
You’re not broken – you’re evolving (violently, with snacks).
🧘 Lie #14: “You just need to relax more.”
That’s cute. I’ll relax when the hot flashes stop sneak-attacking me like I’m in hormonal dodgeball.
🙅♀️ Lie #15: “Everyone goes through it. You’ll be fine.”
Sure, but we’re not all going through it with the same chaos settings. And “fine” is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
✅ The One That’s True:
“You’re not alone.”
Yep – this one’s real.
We’re all out here, sleep-deprived and snack-fueled, trying to make sense of a body that suddenly thinks it’s 87 and 17 at the same time.
And the best part? We’re doing it together – with memes, magnesium, and mildly violent inner monologues.