Insomnia: Wide Awake at 3AM Again? Let’s Talk About This Hormonal Betrayal

When your body’s exhausted but your brain thinks it’s hosting a TED Talk.

🌙 1. Midnight Meltdowns: A Familiar Horror Story

You’re tucked in, teeth brushed, weighted blanket applied. You’ve sworn off caffeine, done your 14-minute wind-down ritual, maybe even meditated. You close your eyes.

Boom.
Your brain: “So let’s unpack every weird thing you’ve ever said since 1996.”

Welcome to menopause insomnia – where your body begs for sleep, and your hormones laugh in your face like it’s open mic night in hell.

🔬 2. What Science Says (In Non-Boring Terms)

Let’s break it down:

• Estrogen and progesterone play a huge role in regulating sleep.
• As they plummet during perimenopause and menopause, your body forgets how to chill.
• Melatonin production also decreases (thanks again, aging), so your natural sleep-wake cycle gets thrown off.
• Plus: hot flashes, night sweats, and the emotional chaos of rage-crying into your pillow.

So yes – you’re not broken. You’re biologically understaffed.

😂 3. Real Things You Might’ve Done at 3AM

Let’s normalize the chaos:

• Ordered a face serum you don’t remember until it arrives
• Reorganized your spice drawer by emotional relevance
• Googled “symptoms of rabies” after brushing past a weird cat
• Started journaling, cried, rage-ate crackers, then journaled about rage-eating
• Played 48 levels of a puzzle game and convinced yourself it counts as mental self-care

If this is you, congratulations! You’re thriving in the sleepless apocalypse.

💡 4. Things That Might Actually Help (But We’re Not Promising Miracles)

✅ What Science Suggests:

• Keep a cool, dark bedroom (like a cave. Or your soul by 4AM).
• Stick to consistent sleep/wake times (lol, okay).
• Avoid blue light before bed (yes, even if your phone says it’s in “Sleep Mode”).
• Try relaxation rituals: breathing exercises, low music, guided meditation

😂 What This Means for You:

• You’ll try all of these, then scream into a lavender-scented pillow when they don’t work instantly. That’s okay. The pillow forgives you.

🛠️ 5. Stuff That Might Work (From Real Women, Not Robots)

🛏️ Magnesium Glycinate Before Bed

Some say it works. Some say it’s witchcraft. Either way, worth a try.

📓 Brain Dump Journal

Write down everything before bed, even “remember to yell at Karen tomorrow.” Get it out of your head and onto paper.

🔄 Acceptance

Sometimes, you just have to lie there and vibe. If you stop fighting the insomnia, it becomes slightly less evil. Not gone. Just less stabby.

😴 Warm Eye Masks

They smell like spa. They feel like comfort. They’re your face’s little weighted blanket.

🧠 Red/Orange Glasses

Science says blue light ruins melatonin. These say “sunset glow” even if you’re lying in bed rage-tapping on your phone. Bonus: you’ll look like a fabulous hormone-fighting insect.

🎧 Hypnosis or Sleep Apps

There’s one for every flavor: British guy whispering about a meadow, gentle rain, someone pretending to be your bedtime therapist. Works even if you laugh halfway through.

🍲 Warm Snack at 3AM

If you’re awake anyway, a tiny warm snack (oat milk, bone broth, banana with almond butter) can calm your nervous system.
Just don’t eat four sleeves of cookies. Unless they’re gluten-free. Then maybe.

🌬️ Try the 4-7-8 Breathing Trick

Inhale for 4. Hold for 7. Exhale for 8. Repeat while glaring at your ceiling. It works for some people. Others just pass out from rage. Either way = silence.

🌿 6. Supplements, Herbs, and Random Foods That Might Help

(Not medical advice — just vibes and survival strategies.)

• Magnesium Glycinate — The unofficial mineral of perimenopause.
• Ashwagandha — For stress, allegedly. And for sounding powerful.
• L-Theanine — Green tea compound that whispers “shhh” to your brain.
• Valerian Root — Smells like gym socks, works like chill.
• GABA, 5-HTP, Melatonin — Brain balancers. Also sound like 90s boy bands.
• Chamomile Tea — If you like drinking flowers and pretending it helps.
• Tart Cherry Juice — Actually contains melatonin. Drink cold and hope.
• Hops Flowers — Usually in beer, but when taken as a supplement? Gently bullies your brain into sleep mode.
• Skullcap — Despite the horror movie name, it’s a mild relaxant. Think: mood lighting in herb form.
• Passionflower — Often in sleep blends, known for reducing anxiety. Like a cozy blanket for your prefrontal cortex.
• Reishi Mushroom — An adaptogen with bedtime forest fairy energy. Bonus: may boost immune function while you attempt to sleep through hormonal chaos.

And yes … avoid sugar, caffeine, spicy food, and alcohol.
(But also? Sometimes the spicy food was worth it.)

🎁 BONUS: Extra Tactics for 3AM Insomniacs (Because Why Not Try Everything?)

Let’s be honest … at this point you’d probably try sleeping upside down if someone told you it worked. So here’s a curated mix of weird-but-possibly-helpful ideas from women who’ve been there and tried everything short of goat yoga in moonlight.

📚 Read Something Boring – On Purpose

We’re not talking thrillers. We’re talking “Owner’s Manual for a 1997 Dishwasher” energy.
Choose a book so unexciting your brain simply shuts down out of protest.

Bonus: Paper doesn’t glow blue and shame you with notifications.

🧠 Start a 3AM Notebook

Write down everything that your brain throws at you when you’re just trying to rest:

• Grocery items
• Emotional spirals
• “Should I text Cheryl?” debates
• The sudden idea to rebrand your entire life as a candle influencer

Let the paper carry it. Your brain’s done enough.

🧴 Scents That Guilt Your Brain Into Calming Down

Lavender, sandalwood, neroli, cedarwood. Dab it on your wrist or pillow like you’re about to summon sleep with a mystical fog.
Worst case? Your bed smells like a spa and your pillowcase feels slightly superior.

🎧 Boring Podcasts or Audiobooks

Try things that make your eyes roll closed:

• Old BBC mystery stories
• Architecture lectures
• The history of concrete (yes, it exists)

Avoid true crime unless you want to be awake and terrified.

🥋 Reverse Psychology Your Sleep Anxiety

Stop trying so hard to sleep. Seriously.
Say to yourself: “Fine. Don’t sleep. But we’re not doing anything else either.”
This confuses the brain just enough to accidentally chill out.
Menopause-level Jedi mind trick.

🛌 Bonus Bonus: The 5 Emotional Stages of Trying to Sleep in Menopause

If you haven’t read our highly scientific breakdown of what it’s like to try to sleep during menopause, featuring denial, rage, snacks, and dramatic blanket kicks, you’re missing a spiritual experience.

👉 Read: The 5 Stages of Trying to Sleep in Menopause →
(Warning: You’ll laugh, cry, and maybe start Stage 3 while reading.)

🎯 6. Elistocrat Take: Your Body Isn’t the Enemy – It’s Just Confused

Menopause doesn’t come with a manual. And insomnia? It’s the page that’s always missing.
You’re not weak. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re literally operating on a glitchy hormonal system trying to pretend everything’s fine while your brain insists on reliving your entire fifth-grade trauma at 2:47AM.

You’re doing amazing. Even if you’re doing it wide awake.

💬 What’s the Weirdest Thing You’ve Done at 3AM?

Drop your favorite “can’t sleep, slightly unhinged” moment below 👇
We’re building a Hall of Fame. Or possibly a support group. Either way, bring snacks.