I Miss Feeling Happy: When Menopause Flattens Joy and You’re Just… Numb

Let’s just say it:
You can take your supplements, balance your hormones, drink the damn water…
…and still feel like someone turned the emotional dimmer switch all the way down and broke the knob.

If you’ve found yourself scrolling through memes that make you smirk – but not actually feel anything – you’re not alone.
If you’ve thought, “I’m medicated, I’m doing the things, so WHY do I still feel hollow?” – you’re not broken.

This isn’t just depression. It’s not just hormones.
It’s the weird, heavy fog that hits so many women in midlife – the era of numb smiles, too-loud silence, and missing your own sparkle.

Let’s talk about it. Honestly. And without shame.

💭 You’re Not Crazy. Your Brain Is Literally Rewiring.

Estrogen and progesterone are not just about periods and hot flashes – they deeply impact serotonin, dopamine, and the reward centers in your brain.
When your hormones crash, your ability to feel pleasure can crash with it.

ADHD? Often revealed or magnified by menopause – because those executive function coping strategies that used to “kind of” work? They start buckling.

And meds? Sometimes they help. Sometimes they feel like emotional duct tape.
But when you’re on three different prescriptions and still feel like you’re faking your life… that’s not failure. That’s a signal.

🧠 Numbness Isn’t Laziness, Weakness, or Drama. It’s Survival Mode.

If you’re not feeling joy, it’s not because you’re “not trying hard enough.”
It’s because your brain is prioritizing function over feeling – especially under chronic stress, sleep disruption, inflammation, or trauma (yes, hormonal trauma is real).

Your system goes into do-not-disturb mode.
No highs. No lows. Just… flat.

💡 What Can Actually Help (Beyond “Have You Tried Yoga”)

Let’s be clear: this isn’t a “quick fix” list. This is a toolbox for gently cracking open the windows when everything feels shut down.

🌿 1. Feel Something Every Day – Even If It’s Tiny.

Pleasure won’t always show up uninvited. Sometimes you have to go looking for it with a flashlight and a snack.

Try this:

• Run your hands under hot water.
• Eat one thing with your full attention.
• Blast a nostalgic song and ugly dance.
• Smell your favorite soap on purpose.
• Lie on the floor and just exist for 3 minutes.

These aren’t “fixes.” These are breadcrumbs back to your nervous system.

🫀 2. Joy ≠ Excitement. Start with Safety.

Sometimes we chase happiness but we’re not even in safety.

Before your brain lets you feel joy, it needs to feel:

• Calm
• Safe
• Regulated

Try:

• Weighted blankets
• Long exhales (no need to “deep breathe” if that stresses you out)
• Gentle forward folds
• Routines that don’t feel like punishment

You can’t heal in a pressure cooker. Make space.

💬 3. Tell Someone You’re Not Feeling Joy – Without a Joke

Say it. Out loud. Or text it. Or write it.

“I don’t feel joy right now, and that’s terrifying.”

Let someone witness it. Not solve it. Just see you.

Isolation makes numbness deeper. Naming it brings air in.

💊 4. Re-evaluate Your Meds with a Side of Grace

If you’re on multiple meds and still feel nothing, it’s worth checking:

• Are your meds balancing, or just blunting?
• Could lower estrogen or low dopamine be messing with your mix?
• Are you being heard or managed?

This doesn’t mean you quit meds. It means you deserve curiosity from your care team – and compassion from yourself.

🔄 5. Reroute the Reward System (Even Artificially at First)

This is a weird one, but it works:

Do something kind for someone else.
Write a 2-line thank-you message. Compliment a stranger. Send a ridiculous meme.

Why? Because your brain still recognizes connection + kindness = reward.
You may not feel it instantly. But over time, this creates new pathways for pleasure to return.

🧘‍♀️ 6. Somatic Therapy, Breathwork, EMDR, or Just Lying on the Floor Dramatically

Sometimes talk therapy isn’t enough.
Sometimes, the body needs to be invited back into the process.

Somatic work helps reawaken that feeling of aliveness – safely.
If you’ve felt disconnected from your body for a while, this can be the bridge back.

Also valid: dramatic sighing, curling up like a croissant, and declaring, “Not today, world.”

💊 7. Vitamins & Nutrients That Might Be MIA

When joy disappears, don’t forget your neurochemistry might be quietly under-resourced.

Key nutrients linked to mood, motivation, and energy:

• Vitamin B12 – supports nervous system + energy (especially if you’re plant-based or have gut absorption issues)
• Vitamin D – deficiency is wildly common and linked to low mood
• Magnesium (glycinate or threonate) – calms nervous system, helps with sleep + irritability
• Omega-3s (EPA/DHA) – supports brain health, hormone balance, and emotional resilience
• Zinc – crucial for neurotransmitter regulation (and often low in chronic stress states)
• L-Tyrosine – A dopamine precursor that helps with motivation, mental focus, and that spark of aliveness you vaguely remember, especially useful during low-mood slumps or ADHD burnout

💡 Note: testing is best. But if your doctor just waved vaguely at “take a B12,” they might’ve missed the full picture.

🌬️ 8. Vagus Nerve = Your Mood Control Superhighway

The vagus nerve is like your body’s emotional switchboard – it connects your brain to your gut, heart, and lungs, and helps you shift from fight-or-flight to “hey, I might be okay.”

Here’s how to gently stimulate the vagus nerve without effort or incense:

🧘‍♀️ Easy Vagus Tricks:

• Humming or singing (yes, badly counts)
• Gargling for 30 seconds (awkward but strangely effective)
• Splashing cold water on your face
• Extended exhales (inhale for 4, exhale for 7 = nervous system lullaby)
• Light touch massage at the base of your skull or behind ears

💡 Try one a day – think of it as a reset button for your overwhelmed body.

🔊 9. Sound Frequencies & Mood Vibration (No Crystals Required)

Certain sound frequencies have been studied for their ability to entrain the brain – basically helping your brainwaves shift into more calm, connected states.

💫 Try This:

• Binaural beats at 396Hz or 528Hz (for emotional release + positivity)
• Low-frequency vibrations (alpha waves, 8-12 Hz) to reduce anxiety
• YouTube/Spotify: Search “binaural beats for depression” or “528Hz joy frequency”
• Listen through headphones while journaling, walking, or lying down dramatically

💡 Even 5–10 minutes can help pull your brain out of “I feel nothing” mode and back into “Okay, I’m still here.”

🌿 10. Botanical Mood Support Squad: Herbs & Tinctures for When Joy Has Left the Chat

When you’re already on meds, supplements, or just totally over it, and you want gentle, non-overstimulating natural options that support mood without tipping you into wired or weepy.

Here’s a list of herbs, tonics, and tinctures to explore (and vibe-test for yourself):

🌼 1. Rhodiola Rosea

What it does:
An adaptogen that helps balance stress hormones and can improve mental energy without overstimulating.

Best for: That low energy + low motivation combo (a.k.a. “meh mode”)
How to use: Capsule or tincture in the morning
Vibe: Like emotional jumper cables, gently applied.

🧘‍♀️ 2. Ashwagandha

What it does:
Lowers cortisol, calms nervous tension, supports sleep and thyroid function.

Best for: Constant overthinking, wired-and-tired cycles, stress-induced numbness
How to use: Capsule, powder (in warm milk), or tincture at night
Vibe: Cozy herbal hug that says “Shhh, we’re okay.”

🫖 3. Lemon Balm (Melissa officinalis)

What it does:
Mild anti-anxiety herb with mood-lifting properties, also supports digestion and sleep.

Best for: General irritability, emotional flatness, light anxiety
How to use: Tea or tincture, any time
Vibe: The herb equivalent of a gentle friend who brings tea and doesn’t expect you to talk.

🌸 4. St. John’s Wort

What it does:
Supports serotonin activity; historically used for mild to moderate depression.

Best for: Flat mood, low light seasons, feeling “stuck” emotionally
How to use: Capsule or tincture (avoid if you’re on SSRIs – interaction risk!)
Vibe: Like sunshine in a bottle – if your doctor gives the green light.

💜 5. Holy Basil (Tulsi)

What it does:
Balances mood, supports focus, reduces anxiety, and boosts resilience to emotional stress.

Best for: Emotional burnout, mental fog, rage-crying at your plants
How to use: Tea or tincture daily
Vibe: The herbal life coach you didn’t know you needed.

🌿 6. Passionflower

What it does:
GABA-enhancing herb that helps you relax without sedation – supports sleep and emotional regulation.

Best for: That twitchy, irritable energy where you’re tired but your brain says “let’s spiral.”
How to use: Tincture before bed or during anxiety moments
Vibe: Like a very chill cat in plant form.

☕ 7. Saffron (Yes, the spice)

What it does:
Clinically shown to help with mood regulation, PMS, and even perimenopausal mood shifts.

Best for: Low mood, emotional dullness, sadness without explanation
How to use: Capsule or steep a few threads in warm water/tea
Vibe: Fancy, potent, and worth every golden thread.

🌙 8. Skullcap (Scutellaria lateriflora)

What it does:
Nervine tonic – helps soothe anxious racing thoughts and calm physical tension.

Best for: Overwhelm, clenched jaw energy, internal panic with a smile
How to use: Tincture (combine with lemon balm or passionflower for sleepy support)
Vibe: The “off” switch for your anxiety gremlin.

🔔 Important Notes:

• Always check for interactions if you’re on medications – especially antidepressants or ADHD meds.
• Tinctures hit faster, teas are gentler, capsules are longer-acting.
• Rotate gently. Start low, go slow.

💗 Elistocrat Take: You’re Not Broken – You’re in Between

You don’t need to fake a smile.
You don’t need to “manifest joy” while your brain’s rewiring itself.
You are allowed to say:

“I miss myself. But I trust she’s still in there.”

And in the meantime, we’re here with snacks, memes, scalp oil, and zero judgment.

You are not alone.