Fitness Apps vs. Reality: A Menopause Survival Guide
(A hilarious breakdown of how fitness apps think we should exercise vs. what actually happens.)
My fitness app just sent me a notification: ‘Time for your daily workout!’
First of all, I love the optimism.
Second of all, let’s lower our expectations a bit, shall we?
💪 How Fitness Apps See Us vs. Reality
📱 Fitness App Says: “You should start the day with a light jog.”
😂 Reality: “I jogged… my memory… and remembered why I don’t run.”
📱 Fitness App Says: “A quick plank will strengthen your core!”
😂 Reality: “The only planking I do is face down on my couch after 2 PM.”
📱 Fitness App Says: “Exercise is the best way to fight fatigue!”
😂 Reality: “My body’s natural response to exhaustion is sitting perfectly still and overthinking my life choices.”
🤷♀️ Menopause-Approved Workouts
- Pacing around the house looking for my phone (that’s in my hand).
- Repeatedly lowering the thermostat, because SOMEONE keeps turning it up.
- Dramatically sighing while sitting down -> engages the core.
- Carrying all the groceries in one trip to prove a point.