Constipation or Diarrhea? Menopause Says: Yes.”

The Digestive Drama No One Warned You About

👋 Real Talk

Let’s talk about bowel betrayal.
Not the polite “oops I ate cheese” kind – the menopause version, where your digestive system becomes a hormonal drama queen.

One day you’re painfully paused like a terrified turtle.
The next you’re sprinting to the bathroom like it’s an Olympic event.
No medals. Just moist regret.

It’s not cute. It’s not “quirky.” It’s disruptive, unpredictable, and emotionally offensive.
And if your colon feels like it’s flipping a coin after every meal, you’re in extremely common company.

📉 Why It Happens (Without the Medical Lecture)

Short version?
Hormones are messing with your smooth muscle rhythm – and the smooth muscle in your gut has feelings now.

• Estrogen plays puppet master to your entire GI tract. As it drops, digestion slows or spasms unpredictably.
• Progesterone joins the sabotage by relaxing muscles (read: constipation).
• Cortisol (stress) tightens the screws – often leading to diarrhea.

Your gut has become a hormonal hostage situation.
And just to spice things up, anxiety amplifies everything.

📊 Fun stat: Over 60% of women in perimenopause report noticeable digestive changes.
📢 Another stat: 0% were warned this might happen.

📖 What It Feels Like (A Choose-Your-Own-Bowel-Adventure)

• Like you’re about to star in a very low-budget remake of Speed – except the bus is your colon.
• Like every fart is a gamble.
• Like your stomach is gaslighting you mid-lunch.
• Like you finally feel brave enough to go on a walk – but you’re mentally mapping every public bathroom on the route.
• Like every symptom has a sibling… and it’s hiding in your lower abdomen.

🛠️ What Might Actually Help

💊 Things That Help Some People (And Might Help You)

For constipation:

• Magnesium citrate or glycinate – gentle, not explosive, and bonus: helps sleep.
• Soluble fiber – chia seeds, flax, psyllium. Start slow. Your colon has trust issues.
• Warm lemon water in the morning – yes, it’s cliché. Also, it sometimes works.
• Gentle movement – think stretching or walking, not CrossFit for your colon.

For diarrhea:

• Peppermint tea – calms spasms and makes you feel slightly British and refined.
• Avoiding raw veggies if you’re already sensitive – steam those suckers.
• Small meals – grazing beats gorging when your GI tract is on edge.
• Probiotics – try ones with B. infantis or L. plantarum strains.

For both sides of the bathroom coin:

• Low-FODMAP experiment – look it up if you’ve ruled out everything else.
• Keeping a symptom journal – see what days/meals cause chaos.

🔌 Electrolyte Reminder
If you’re dealing with diarrhea, add electrolytes to your hydration.
Your colon is flushing everything out, including the minerals that stabilize your nervous system.

Get a powder or tablet that includes magnesium, potassium, and sodium. Your heart, brain, and mood will thank you.

✅ If You Try Just One Thing

Try magnesium glycinate at night.
It’s one of the few “gentle but effective” things that can both relax your body and soften the morning situation. It may also help mood and sleep.

🧘‍♀️ Nervous System Reset (Because the Gut is a Nervous System)

If you’re clenching, bracing, or stuck in digestive doom-scrolling… pause.

Take one soft, loose-belly breath.
Drop your shoulders.
Put your hand on your stomach and say:
“I am not broken. I’m just electrically overbooked.”

🛑 This is not your fault.
Hormonal fluctuation affects the enteric nervous system – your “second brain” – which is deeply tied to emotions. (Yes, your gut feels things before your brain does. Super cool. Super inconvenient.)

When symptoms flare: gas, pain, cramping, urgency … don’t fight the sensation.
Let it rise, let it float, let it pass.
“It is only sensation. It cannot harm you.”
So instead of tensing, float.
Yes, even if you’re floating toward a bathroom.
Soften. Surrender. Breathe like it’s your only job.
And remember, it will ease. It always does.

😏 Top 10 Passive-Aggressive Thoughts While in GI Distress
Because humor is a laxative of the soul.

1. “Oh cool, my stomach’s doing jazz hands again.”
2. “I’d cancel plans, but my colon already did that for me.”
3. “Shoutout to my gut for creating chaos out of apples.”
4. “Is it dinner, or is it danger? Let’s roll the dice.”
5. “Every meal is a trust fall now.”
6. “Nothing says ‘alive’ like sprinting to the toilet mid-Zoom.”
7. “If I say I’m not feeling well, just know it’s not a vibe — it’s a velocity.”
8. “BRB, going to argue with my digestive tract for the third time today.”
9. “Honestly, this should count as cardio.”
10. “If my colon had a personality, it’d be ‘spiteful Victorian widow.’”

✅ Elistocrat Take

You’re not broken. You’re not high maintenance. You’re not disgusting.
You’re experiencing yet another completely under-discussed side effect of midlife hormonal flux.
And your bathroom routine doesn’t define you – even if it currently dictates your commute, lunch plans, and social calendar.

✨ Try one thing.
✨ Drink the tea.
✨ Whisper “I’m still majestic” while clutching your abdomen.
✨ Laugh when you can. (Carefully.)

Because if we’re going to talk poop, we’re doing it with flair.

🥜 Bonus: Constipation-Friendly Smoothie Trick

Psyllium husk in water? Kinda feels like drinking sad beige jelly.
But psyllium in a smoothie? Secret genius.

✨ Here’s the trick:
Make your smoothie. Then add psyllium husk and blend it again briefly. Let sit 2–3 minutes to thicken like a luxurious gut-soothing milkshake.

🍫 Anti-Cinstipation Chocolate PB Smoothie

• 1 cup almond milk
• 1 tbsp peanut butter (or almond butter)
• 1 frozen banana
• 1 tbsp cocoa powder
• 1 scoop protein powder (vanilla or chocolate)
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• Optional: pinch of sea salt or maca powder