10 Best Excuses to Get Out of Anything Using Menopause

Because science says we don’t have to do things we don’t want to

Menopause is a wild ride, but if we’re going to be stuck on this hormonal rollercoaster, we might as well use it to our advantage. Why suffer through awkward social events, tedious chores, or any form of responsibility when menopause gives us a free pass to opt out?

Ladies, it’s time to reclaim our power and start weaponizing menopause like the tactical genius we all secretly are. Here are 10 rock-solid excuses to get out of literally anything.

---

1. The “Mysterious Hot Flash Emergency” 🔥

Excuse Level: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 (Untouchable)

“Oh no… it’s happening… I feel it coming… IT’S A HOT FLASH!” (dramatic gasp, clutch chest, fan self aggressively)

This excuse works for everything from meetings to waiting in line at the DMV. Bonus points if you loudly announce:
👉 “I NEED A COLD COMPRESS AND COMPLETE ISOLATION IMMEDIATELY.”

💡 Pro Tip: If you throw in a “I think I might pass out” for dramatic effect, people will back away so fast you’ll be free in no time.

---

2. The “Sudden Menopause Rage” Incident 😡

Excuse Level: 💥💥💥 (Highly Effective, Slightly Terrifying)

Just narrow your eyes, take a deep breath, and channel your inner menopausal fury:

🔥 “I can feel my hormones fluctuating, and I really shouldn’t be around people right now.”

Nobody is going to question this. They know what you’re capable of. This excuse is especially effective for avoiding customer service calls, parent-teacher meetings, and any conversation that involves “circling back” on something.

💡 Pro Tip: Keep this one in your back pocket for unexpected situations like:
✔️ When your mother-in-law calls
✔️ When someone asks if you’ve tried meditating for your symptoms
✔️ When you get added to a group project against your will

---

3. The “Brain Fog Blackout” 🧠☁️

Excuse Level: 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ (Completely Plausible)

“Oh no… what day is it? What year is it?! I totally forgot we had plans!”

This one is so believable because it’s probably true. Nobody questions brain fog – it’s science.

💡 Best Used For:
✔️ Forgetting deadlines
✔️ Missing awkward family gatherings
✔️ Bailing on workouts you said you’d do but never intended to

---

4. The “Unexpected Nap Attack” 😴

Excuse Level: 🛌🛌🛌 (Highly Effective, Cozy Vibes)

Just text: “I sat down for a second and… well… that was three hours ago. Menopause exhaustion wins again.”

Nobody argues with The Nap because deep down, they know menopause is just one long battle between staying awake and immediately face-planting into a pillow.

💡 Works Best When:
✔️ You were supposed to go somewhere but you “accidentally” rested your eyes
✔️ Someone expects you to cook dinner but DoorDash exists
✔️ You need a social recharge day (a.k.a. pajamas + snacks + no talking)

---

5. The “Mysterious Sweat Situation” 💦

Excuse Level: 🌊🌊🌊 (Dramatic but Undeniable)

Look at the person inviting you to something you don’t want to do. Dead serious. Say:

“I would, but my entire body is currently 70% sweat. I’m basically evaporating as we speak.”

That’s it. Nobody wants details. Nobody wants to challenge you. You have escaped.

💡 Best Used For:
✔️ Leaving a party early
✔️ Avoiding any event that requires jeans
✔️ Getting out of running errands with your partner

---

6. The “Hormonal Mood Swing” Defense 🎭

Excuse Level: 😭😂😡 (High-Risk, High-Reward)

This one’s a classic:

“I was on my way, but then I saw a puppy video and started sobbing uncontrollably… then I got angry about it… and now I need to lay down.”

This excuse is so emotionally complex that nobody wants to touch it. You are now free.

💡 Best Used For:
✔️ Anything involving prolonged human interaction
✔️ Work meetings that could have been an email
✔️ Family drama (they will not follow up)

---

7. The “Menopause Math Fail” 🧮

Excuse Level: 🤯🤯🤯 (Confusing = Effective)

Let’s say you missed something important. Just text:

“Oh my god. I completely miscalculated my entire schedule. I thought today was next week. I blame menopause math.”

It makes zero sense and everyone will nod in understanding. Science is on your side.

💡 Perfect For:
✔️ Rescheduling something you forgot about
✔️ Pretending you planned to cancel all along
✔️ Being mysteriously unavailable for awkward conversations

---

8. The “Fake Doctor’s Orders” Escape 🩺

Excuse Level: 👩‍⚕️👨‍⚕️ (Unquestionable Authority)

“My doctor said I need to avoid stress at all costs. Sorry, can’t make it!”

Nobody questions medical advice.

💡 Best Used For:
✔️ Skipping unnecessary work events
✔️ Avoiding stressful conversations
✔️ Getting out of jury duty (possibly)

---

9. The “Menopause Science Experiment” 🔬

Excuse Level: 🧪🧪🧪 (Weird but Works)

If someone pressures you to do something, stare at them intensely and say:

“I’d love to, but I’m conducting a highly complex experiment to see if I can regulate my body temperature through sheer willpower.”

Then walk away like a woman on a mission. They will not follow.

💡 Best Used For:
✔️ Escaping small talk
✔️ Skipping things that require pants
✔️ General life avoidance

---

10. The “Brunch Clause” 🥂

Excuse Level: 🍳🍾 (Ultimate Power Move)

If the event is not brunch, it is not happening. End of discussion.

Just say: “I would, but this conflicts with my commitment to brunch.”

If they say, “But brunch isn’t scheduled…”
You say: “Exactly.”

💡 Perfect For:
✔️ Anything that requires effort before noon
✔️ Skipping any event that doesn’t involve pancakes
✔️ Living your best life

---

Embrace the Excuse Life!

Menopause is rough, but if we’re stuck with it, we might as well use it to avoid things. No guilt. No shame. Just strategic survival.

🚨 Drop your best menopause excuses in the comments. Let’s build a database for future use! 😂🔥

---